A Heartfelt Christmas
“Last Christmas, I gave you my heart” is a verse from one of my favorite holiday songs. Unlike the following verse where the other lover gives it away, my incredible spouse, Rachel, held and cherished my heart, as I did theirs, for 20 years. The holidays were especially fun for us as we traveled to be with family or to explore the winter season in new places. Always the life of the party, Rachel could make anyone laugh and feel welcome at a social gathering. Our last trip to Palm Springs in 2019 gave us cocktails with Santa and cornhole games with relatives among elegant Palm trees.
After my spouse passed away unexpectedly in the fall of 2021, I spent the next several months in a state of shock and disbelief. I felt lost in both my physical space and in my body. The places we both inhabited seemed foreign. The physical sensations in my heart and lungs oscillated between a sense of heaviness and numbness. The reality of Rachel’s absence took my breath away.
Making matters worse, the pandemic denied me the opportunity to grieve with family. COVID rates surged the day before my flight to visit them for Christmas, and we decided to cancel the trip. This additional blow triggered a terrible insomnia, and my blood pressure increased to unhealthy levels.
It’s with immense gratitude that I now look back and see how lucky I was to have the support and tools to survive this terrible experience. Technology enabled me to keep in close contact with my caring therapist, family and friends. Their patient and compassionate listening enabled me to endure the loneliness and overwhelming emotions I experienced.
Even with the most loving care, grieving is an isolating experience. To cope, I sought out books written by other widows. Megan Devine’s Its Ok That You’re Not Ok (2017) and Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking (2006) brought me great comfort. In their own way, each writer taught me to be patient with myself as I grappled with intense feelings of despair and encouraged me to have some humor around the ridiculous thoughts that crossed my mind daily such as – ‘who’s going to take the garbage out now?’ I was able to figure this one out, by the way, but I didn’t like the answer.
In researching bereavement online, I found a recent study done at UC Davis which showed that the heart and breathing rates of couples in love synchronize. Although we still have much to discover in the field of ‘biobehavioral synchrony’, meaning the coordination of physical and biological processed among people in relationships, it made me wonder whether one of the reasons my body felt ‘off’ was because I was missing my beautiful human ‘pacemaker’.
I also had the tools at my disposal to support me physically. In my medical practice as a naturopathic doctor (ND), I seek to address underlying causes contributing to poor health. Stress is often a factor in the metabolic, immune and hormonal conditions impacting my clients. In terms of cardiovascular health, it’s linked to elevations in blood pressure, increased systemic inflammation and worsening heart disease. With this knowledge and my years of experience as an ND, I created a customized plan using the ‘lotions and potions’ as my spouse lovingly called them, the herbal tinctures, teas, creams and nutritional supplements from my medical toolbox, to help me improve my sleep, decrease my blood pressure and start to rebuild my health.
Below is a list of herbs and supplements I’ve used personally and clinically to support cardiovascular health. Knowing when and how to combine these therapies is a skill built through medical training and experience, especially since they can interact with prescription drugs. Often the most effective treatments are customized to each person’s needs by someone who knows their health history, so please check with your doctor before you make any changes to your health regimen.
Hawthorne berry - (Crateagus spp.) Multiple European clinical trials demonstrated its ability to improve heart health. To gain a synergistic effect, I often use it in combination with other herbs such as Motherwort, Cramp Bark, Stinging Nettle, Dandelion or Linden. What is beautiful about this herb is that in traditional herbalism, it was used to emotionally soothe a broken heart.
Hibiscus tea
High quality fish oil
Magnesium
Antioxidants from eating whole foods or taken as extracts of green tea, red, blue, and purple fruits and veggies
Arginine (avoid in Herpes infections)
Plus, I tried to keep up with my daily heart health-promoting routine:
Regular exercise, my favorite is brisk walking
A diet full of vegetables, whole grains, healthy fats such as olive or grapeseed oil, and lean proteins such as the Mediterranean Diet, although many cultures have similar aspects
Staying well-hydrated
These were some of the things I used to help me feel stronger every day, one day at a time. As months passed, my hope was renewed bit by bit and I started to believe that things would get better. I tried to remember the words of wisdom I received from those around me, although I cannot see Rachel, they will always be with me. My heart will never beat the same way again. But it’s still beating, supported by love and natural medicine as it strives to find a new rhythm.
To learn more about my approach in addressing your specific health issues, contact me to schedule a free 20-minute consultation. If you enjoyed this post, please send me a message through my Contact page letting me know you’d like to be informed of future posts. Quick disclaimer — this information comes from my personal and clinical experience and should not be taken as medical advice. Please speak to your doctor before making any changes regarding your health.
A little about me, I have 15+ years of training and experience in naturopathic medicine. Since they are closely related, much of my work focuses on the intersection between hormonal, gut, brain, and immune health and the effect stress can have on these systems. I frequently help folks impacted by adrenal dysregulation (stress/burnout), irritable bowel syndrome, food intolerances, metabolic syndrome, perimenopause, and menopause.